This was originally posted in late February 2022. Somehow it got lost in the migration. Fall 2021 is still a blur. Each week I drove three hours from Maryland to Williamsburg. I discovered audiobooks and podcasts on Spotify. One of my favorites is the Blk + In Grad School podcast. I stayed at a hotel 2-3 nights each week. Days were spent at my desk working and studying, and most evenings in class. Nights at the hotel were unpredictable. Sometimes I could study and get adequate rest, other times not. I drove three hours home after class on Thursday evenings to spend time with my husband, prepare healthy meals, wash clothes, pack and do it all over again. I experienced a level of physical and mental exhaustion that left me depleted and having panic attacks. For weeks, I woke up startled thinking that I had missed a deadline.
I started working on my dissertation through a seminar course. When I started the course, I was still contemplating my research question, and I didn’t have a chair or committee members. With everything else going on, I felt disoriented and unorganized, especially regarding my literature review. I had a fear of hitting hurdles, and I hit quite a few. A little background … participating in track and field runs in our family. When my son joined the track team, he had a fear of hitting the hurdles. He would run towards a hurdle, stop, jump over it, then start running towards the next one. While running is not my sport, I definitely understood his hesitation. I’ve seen hurdlers crash and fall, hurt themselves on the track, with all eyes focused on them. Over time, my son’s form improved, he got stronger, he got faster, and he grew more confident. He went on to become captain of the track and the cross-country teams at his school, not because he was the fastest, but because he persisted. Others saw his potential, providing encouragement and correction, positioning him to grow and inspire others.
Now I find myself running towards a hurdle, stopping, jumping over it (or barely making it over or hitting it and falling), then running towards the next one. This spring I am lowering the hurdles a bit (starting with an organized work plan and schedule), taking time to breathe and enjoy the run along the way. I look forward to watching my form improve, and to becoming more skilled and confident in this academic journey.
Here are some highlights:
What I read …or listened to:
Podcasts were perfect for the three hour drive each way. I highly recommend these three podcasts:
I finally met my Pen Pal! We had lunch outside at Panera (our favorite), and we worked out together with GYM GUYZ (top left). After a rough start, my mustard greens in my small container garden survived, and I ended up with several harvests before the frost (top right). Towards the end of the semester, my cohorts organized a nice get together for CLD faculty and students. I really appreciate my new mug! I had dropped my favorite Wonder Woman mug a few weeks earlier, and it was on my wish list (bottom left). Finally, Amelie and I grabbed a quick photo at the end of my last class. Our next photo will be ringing that bell!